He rolls!

Garrett rolled over for the first time this week. It actually started the night before we actually *saw* him do it. We heard him breathing heavy in his crib and when we went over to check on him, low and behold, he was laying face down on his tummy. The next morning Garrett was laying on our bed while I was pumping and right before my very eyes, the boy rolled. And there's been no turning back. He seems to love the motion of rolling, but the problem is that as soon as he gets on his tummy, he face plants into the mattress and promptly has a meltdown. So, he likes rolling, but not where he gets to when he rolls. This has been particularly difficult at bedtime and during the night. Our sweet Garrett is no longer the peaceful quiet sleeper that he once was. He insists on rolling in his sleep - so we are up several times a night turning him back to his back. Sometimes he'll go back to sleep, sometimes he's too awake and needs to be nursed. As disruptive as this new *activity* is, I have to admit, I am one proud mama!

Roadtrip!

I have been homesick since Garrett was born. Just wanting to be near family, to have Garrett get to know them, to have my mom nearby, for Garrett to *play* with his cousin Claire. Since Mike is currently working in Baltimore, we decided that we would spend some time in Virginia this summer. We thought and thought about how to get the dog and all the baby necessity stuff there, and we really only came up with one option. To drive. No small feat with a newborn, but we really didn't see any other way. Of course about two weeks before the trip, Garrett decided to protest the carseat and car in general - so the anxiety level was high in anticipation of the trip. But on July 7th we shoved off for our trek East. We stopped in Michigan first. The first leg of the trip went pretty well. We only stopped once. Garrett ate most of the way, with the Mama sitting in the back with him - pumping one handed while feeding him with a bottle of pumped milk from the other. I couldn't pump the milk fast enough. It was a sight.

The next day we left at about 4am for our long trip. The mama drove first so that she could get some driving time in while Garrett *hopefully* slept. And guess what? He was an absolute angel!! He slept the first 5 hours. Each hour that would pass, I would get less anxious and more shocked that he was still sleeping! He slept, the mama drove and we didn't stop once until Sommerset (just south of Pittsburgh). When we stopped, I nursed him and we took a break, and he dozed off a couple more times and we played the rest of the way. Notice his lovey? This is his new favorite thing. He loves to hold his lovey and it helped him sleep during the trip.

And because we didn't post yet with all the travel, Garrett is 3 months!!

Garrett is an incredibly good baby. He is sweet and content and good humored. I find myself always being pleasantly surprised by him. He is very relaxed and seems to have an easy breezy way about him. I love reading to him, giving him baths and just watching him take in the world.

My Dear Garrett,

My Dear Garrett,
Mama is a worrier. I have been my whole life. When I was a little girl, Grammy use to buy me "worry dolls." These tiny dolls lived in a little oval bamboo box, and every night I would whisper to them all my worries and they would take my worry from me and do the worrying for me. I need to see if I can find some of those dolls, because baby, I need them. I have worried about everything about you from even before you were conceived. Worried I wouldn't be able to get pregnant with you, worried something would go wrong with the pregnancy, worried that I wouldn't be able to breastfeed, that I would have to have a c-section, that I wouldn't know what to do when you were born, that the nursery wouldn't be just right, that the car wouldn't have enough airbags, that the careseat wouldn't be installed properly, that the stroller wouldn't ride smoothly enough. You get the point. And now that you're here, and I have come to know a love that is deep in the marrow of my bones, and well - the word *worry* doesn't even seem to come close to adequately describing what I feel. The terror and panic at the thought of something happening to take you away from me. Of me not doing right by you. Of you being exposed to this world full of cruel and harsh realities. And it just scares.me.to.death.

I know that one day I will no longer be your favorite woman in the world, I know you will eventually want your space. I know you'll go to school with kids that are mean and you will get your feelings hurt. I know there will be times when you feel disappointed. I know that one day you will get a drivers license and I'll have to turn you out on the roads with others that text and drink and distract. I know one day you'll fall deeply in love only to get your heart broken. And I know one day I'll be the mother-in-law to your wife. I want to hold you in my arms and shelter you from everything forever. I want to be able to always be able to see you on the baby monitor screen - to see your little tummy and lungs breathe air in and out. And if I can't quite *trust* your image on the screen, I want to be able to run into your room and find you there sleeping peacefully in your crib. I want to be able to do this forever. But deep down, I know that's not possible. I know that you have to live life and experience it all - joy, laughter, humor, pain, hurt, heartache. My prayer for you is that in your life, you come into more sweet stuff than anything else - and that when you don't, you'll know where to turn to for a hug, that you'll do the *right* thing, that you'll weather the storm.

My prayer for me is that I can find some worry dolls.

I'll love you forever,
Mama

Happy.

I was driving home from Target this past week and was stopped at a red light. And realized I was being swallowed by a somewhat strange feeling. It's been there for a few weeks now, and I've been feeling it somewhat constantly, like this little tugging feeling - I know it's there, but just go on about my business. So today, as I drove home with a trunk full of size 2 Up&Up diapers, a jumbo box of Pampers sensitive skin wipes and sundries for our big trip east - I decided to examine this *feeling* a little closer. And you know what I came up with? I am happy. I am blissfully basking in the glory of new motherhood. A mom that loves her babe. But it's more than that. I love my life. I love my husband, I love my puppy, I love my house, I love my family and friends. I love that it's summer. I love living in a city with so much to do. I don't know how - but I feel like having Garrett has brought so much love to my life. I see things more lovingly. I want to love. I choose to see more good in people than bad. I choose to get along with Mike and give him the benefit of the doubt rather than pick. I choose to understand friends who might not have as much time to stay in touch as I'd like. I look at what we do have and don't focus on what we don't. I feel this increible feeling of gratitude. To God, to my parents, to Mike and to myself. I like this happiness. I want this for my son. I want this to be his environment.

I may not feel like this every day forever, but now that I've pinpointed what this feeling is - I embrace it. I like having it around. I think it's here to stay.

Turning the corner...

It appears we have turned a corner. At 10 1/2 weeks, Garrett has been sleeping through the night for the last couple days. He's still in the bassinet, but we're going to try transitioning him to the crib tonight. I have to admit, as much as it will be nice to have our room back to ourselves, part of me is sad that our little guy is ready to sleep in his own bed. I know, I know - it's best for all. It's just hard to believe we're out of the initial "survival mode."

It's not just sleep though. Garrett is becoming such a fun baby. He loves his mama, and has started cuddling and clutching me with his arms. Maybe they're not real *hugs* yet, but they feel like it, and to a mom, there is no better feeling in the world. He's also more alert and curious about things. This past week, he actually seems somewhat interested in his books when I read him stories. I read him my favorite book for the first time, that I bought him as soon as I found out I was pregnant - "Guess How Much I Love You," and as expected I did not make it through the whole book without breaking down into tears at the end. A sap, I am.

One of Garrett's favorite things is still just chilling and listening to music. I think he's got his dad's good sense of music. His favorites right now are Jacob Dylan and Joe Pug - two albums that Mike recently downloaded into his iPod. But his other favorites are the Claissical Composers Baby Einstein CD's that Grammy bought him the week he was due and waiting us out.

Yes, our Garrett sure is growing fast. Don't grow too fast, little man!

Sleep, glorious sleep!

Last night was the first night that Garrett technically slept through the night. He slept a whole 6 1/2 hours from the time he went down, and it was heaven! Today I think we both felt like a million bucks, and he's been in a great mood all day. I've been racking my brain to think if we did anything different last night, and other than the Blackhawks winning the Stanley Cup Championship - and the ridiculous amounts of celebratory fireworks that were being set off in Chicago's alleys, notta! Here's to hoping we've turned a night sleep corner. Way to go G! Now to transition from bassinet to his own bed...

My Dear Garrett,

One of the things I have vowed to do is write letters to Garrett as he grows. I want him to be able to read for himself one day about how much he has changed my life forever.

My Dear Garrett,

It's hard to believe you've only been *walking* this earth for a mere two months. For me, it already seems like I've known you for a lifetime. I feel like I know you fully, so completely. I know the little bump behind your ear that I stroke with my thumb while you nurse, I know the progression of your cries and when you've reached your breaking point, I know the little tufts of dark red hair in the back of your head (even though most think you're bald at first glance), I know the shockingly deep rose color of your lips, I know your sweet smell like none other, I know the sound of the little sighs you let out when you're deep in sleep, I know your long toes that you spread when you're upset or excited, I know your big grin that melts my heart. And yet you've only been outside my belly for a few short weeks, so I know that there are so many more things that I will learn to love about you.

Having and loving you has given me a sense of such inner peace and purpose. I am fulfilled. I am in love. I am complete.

I'll love you forever,

Mama